| When Not To Be Helpful by Jane Froman (The article below appeared in the Philadelphia Sunday Bulletin November 29, 1949) |
| "Everybody's Etiquette" DEAR MISS FROMAN: Can you give any suggestions on how to treat invalids intelligently and with taste? |
| Answer: The road to recovery for any person who has experienced a serious injury is strewn with obstacles --not the least of which are the good intentions of friends and family. The spontaneous, wholly altruistic desire to be of aid frequently results in embarrassment, discomfiture or even more serious complications. Yet nearly all of these can be prevented by the simple device of asking oneself: "How would I react if our positions were reversed and I were the injured or sick person?" After more than six years of being in that position--I was injured in an airplane crash--I can help answer the question and tell you some of the more commonplace errors committed by normally intelligent people. Right now I can navigate nicely without aid, mechanical or otherwise. I can't dance the Highland fling yet, but walking has become a pleasure rather than a curative exercise. When guests come to our apartment I relish the role of hostess--but all too often a visitor will unthinkingly deny me the privilege. If I so much as make a move to reach for an ash tray or candy dish--a perfectly simple operation not in the least beyond my capacities, someone invariably bolts across the room to pick up the dish for me. Of course, I keep telling myself at such times, the person means well, but why doesn't he wake up to the fact that I'm not helpless and can't enjoy being treated as if I were? Self-reliance is something every normal individual strives to achieve, and when you recover it after having had it taken away for years, it becomes doubly sweet. |
| Yet this hazard is not nearly so real or serious as something which happened many times when I was on crutches. It seemed as though every time I approached a step or similar obstacle when I was with a friend, he would attempt to help me by grabbing my elbow or arm--the very last thing which should be seized at such a time. It is the arm which really supports the weight of a person on crutches. In a case where immediate aid is needed to avert a fall, I suppose it's right to grab almost any part of the body. But where there is time, the wisest course is the simple inquiry: "May I help?" Nine times out of ten an affirmative reply will also include some suggestion as to how you may best help. |
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